In 2009, I was in my early twenties, married, with two young children. My youngest was 4 years old at the time. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. I had my children one after the other and I was too flustered with the responsibility of being a new mother and wife that I never really gave myself the time for self-care.
I was overweight, tired and unhappy. I was too embarrassed to join a gym and workout, mostly due to the fact that I was never athletic to begin with, so I didn’t really know how to exercise my body properly. I was an introvert, shy, and an intellectual sort … a nerd. And I enjoyed it! I did have a desire to lose the weight but I had no idea how to go about it. Now, that served as a plus as well as a disadvantage … I didn't have bad habits to fall into such as fad diets, but I also had no idea where to start. All I had was a strong desire to change. And my intuition, which later in life, I would discover could help others, myself and my children.
I think the tipping point was when I looked in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw. That was one of the saddest moments of my life. Even now, as I write this, I feel strong sad emotions from that moment. It wasn't vanity. It was a desire to love myself inside and out, to respect my perfect body that was capable of creating life and to protect the vehicle that would get me through it.
I was watching T.V. and I caught an exercise infomercial that looked like fun. So I figured I'd give it a try. I'd be able to exercise in the privacy of my own home and build the confidence to join a gym. The videos arrived and I soon faced my first challenge: where do I find the time to exercise? This challenge has never really dissipated. But my drive and desire to change helped me overcome this first obstacle.
I grew up eating authentic home-cooked Mexican food and I was never really overweight. But I wasn't thin. I was always tall and weight wasn't too much of a psychological issue since I didn't really care what anyone thought of me. Later, I would realize that this was an emotional self-defense mechanism brought on by my mother, who was never happy with my weight in comparison to my younger, shorter and slender sister. At the same time, I feel that it was also a positive attribute that helped me break through the false propaganda that society feeds us daily.
I really didn't have time to exercise but this was so important to me that I made the time. I woke up every day at 5 am and I danced, jumped, and stumbled around in my living room every day for an hour. By 6 am, I was ready to make breakfast and get everyone including myself ready for school and work. Within a few weeks, my body started to change, I started to see traces of the person that I used to be and I felt proud of myself.
During this period, I became super-aware of the change in my mood and I wanted to keep making positive changes in my life. One of my best friends at the time shared a PETA video with me which inspired me to become a vegetarian for the next six years. I was on a roll and soon had the confidence to join Gold's Gym and continue my road to recovery. Spinning and Pilates became my go-to in my twenties. The spin classes provided an adrenalin rush, weight loss and stress relief. The Pilates classes, however, were a whole new ball game. The control, grace and relief that I felt each and every time I completed a session were unlike anything I had ever experienced. I was addicted!
I grew up wishing that I had the grace and beauty of a ballerina and now I had an opportunity to fulfill that small desire and wish from my childhood. I continue to fulfill childhood dreams as an adult, because why not? Why live with unfulfilled dreams no matter how trivial or impossible they may seem. Why not go for what you truly want in life? I'll share more about this in another blog.
It would take another decade for me to discover and realize the true power and benefits of Pilates and the power I found within me that we all possess.
But that was the start of my journey. I lost the weight and had fun doing it. I discovered so many positive qualities about myself and I realized that, as well as I take care of my sons, I deserved the same love towards myself. I was stronger than I ever imagined and that revelation was priceless. But most importantly, I found my physical self again … and the strong, confident woman that I’d become.